That's a piece of rather pleasant sounding music on my Sony Ericsson phone. Pleasant at any other time of the day that is, except when it wakes me up in the morning.
And so I awoke to the awfully irritating crescendo of "Pop Piano" at 7a.m. today. The first thought that came into my mind sounded something like:
Lord, it's a Sunday, but I don't feel like going to church. I feel so very tired. Last night I slept at twelve and a couple of guys in the void deck drinking beer kept me awake for at least an hour. Besides, I don't know what's the point of me going to church today, anyway. What am I going to learn at the sermon that I don't already know?
And besides, I'm not the one teaching my kids today. Yeah, I know I have some Children's Ministry meeting... but Lord, I really don't want to go to church today.
Why not I sms them and tell them I'm not feeling well? After all, I really DO think I'm not feeling well today Lord. I think I'd better take care of my body, Lord.
And so that was what I thought about from 7a.m. to 7:25a.m. 7:25a.m. is when I dragged myself out of bed. And if I were someone else I would have almost slapped myself. What nonsense- full of excuses.
So I got ready for church. Somedays as I walk through the carparks to the bus stops I take my time to admire the trees and the cool of the morning and talk to God. But today I didn't really care. I was telling God that I really have to focus on Him once again- that I can't stand a mediocre walk with God. But that truly, I kinda feel insufficient. And alone.
Well, I made it to church pretty much on time.
The communion passage was Romans 5:1-11. It was about being justified by faith... and suffering producing perseverance... and so on. (I find it so very interesting that I've got so much scripture stored up in me through years of reading God's word that once somebody starts off on a verse, I can often tell where it is, and at least the geist of it. Even more curious is the fact that I can sometimes start rattling off perhaps the whole verse or paragraph- and then I go something like my goodness, I know all this but I'm not living this out!)
My feeling at that moment of realisation can often be summed up in Luke 12:48. "But he that knew not, and did commit things worthy of stripes, shall be beaten with few stripes. For unto whomsoever much is given, of him shall be much required; and to whom men have committed much, of him they will ask the more"
The sermon was a video screening from an American church. The central theme was the greatness of God as seen through the size of the galaxy and various scientific fact. And I was rather blessed by it.
Went for free food at coffee fellowship. Emphasis is on the word FREE. Chuckle.
Sat through Children's Ministry. PSLE English, Math, Chinese is over. Science is tomorrow, then HMT.
Then went for a Children's Ministry meeting.
In short, I'm so very glad that I came today. I wasn't thoroughly refreshed, but I was made conscious of God again. And this consciousness of God is something that I simply have not been able to ignore all my life. It is a pleasant melody in the face of affliction and tough times. Yet it is also an irritating buzz that keeps growing louder when I start to turn away from God. I have never been able to deny its reality for too long.
Perhaps sometimes all we need is simply to come into the presence of God; to sit down and listen. For those who have experienced the power of God before, perhaps sometimes we need to remind ourselves who it is that we serve and what He has brought us through.
I've tried living a life without bothering too much about God before. I've also been in seasons where I've walked closely with God. And I conclude that there's nothing I'd much rather do then walk closely. It's so much harder and less peaceful not to walk with God. Every step of that way is heavy, unnatural and increasingly lacking in peace.
So figuratively, I guess that in my walk with God, I am just getting out of bed again. It's about time.