Saturday, June 05, 2010

Five Shots and Five Trains of Thought

My third desk.

It's my third because they've been shifting me around in the office. Right now I'm at my fourth space.

One thing I liked about the space in the photo is the mirror at the top left hand corner of the screen. Gives me the ability to see who's behind me, watching what I do when I need to... multi-task. Quite a few of the office staff have it. Think it was a free gift of some sort.

The work I'm doing right now is potentially debilitating on my mind. When I first started I got so excited about learning all the investment terms. What was the difference between say, equities, bonds, structured notes... etc. How is the structure of a bank like... (and some other stuff which I don't think wise for me to mention). I also was quite interested to understand what this office's culture was like. So I tried spending some time with the perm staff. Didn't quite enjoy talking to some of them. I guess when you're the smallest fry at the table in terms of seniority, you just listen. And you don't have much to say when it comes down to office politics and all.

In the end, I decided to hang out with the other contract staff instead. More things to talk about. Healthier conversations too. No backstabbing and much less lewd talk.

I also began to be less interested in all those banking terms. Work started to settle into some sort of routine. Kept doing the same things again and again.

Began to realise that often when the mind is kinda empty, we can use the time to think about rather useless, mundane stuff. Or, each of us can "sing and make music in your heart to the Lord" (Ephesians 5:19).

This last week was good in that way. Going down to PPTTC and CAC every night left me thinking about God and hungering for more of God in the day.

I went down to church on Tuesday night. The original intention was to discuss the NS Book Project with Samson and Caleb. In the end I ended up having a rather good time during the body ministry part. I did receive some things from God. Much needed, but ambiguous still. But I guess the good that comes out of that is that it kinda makes us need to wait on God. After that I had a good time going out with the speakers Daniel and Janice for supper. Been so long since I last saw them. The last time was in 2008, during Glenn and Luzanne's wedding, if I recall correctly...

I ended travelling down to Creative Arts Camp every day since Tuesday.

Here's a shot I took in the evening on a bus a couple of weeks back. The sun was shining in straight.

Yes, I ended up travelling down to CAC every night. I'm not sure why, since I'd already decided to more or less stay away from all these things for a little while. I guess it's this hunger and longing for God? I wanted more. I still want more after having received.

All I can say is that I've really enjoyed all the times of fellowship in the night with all my CM friends. It's been so good and such a blessing to talk to so many people. Physically tiring, yes. But it's been wonderful, nontheless.

Travelling. Most of my friends will be going up for the Annual Bible Camp. I'm staying behind. Got work and all. It was my decision. Won't say I regret it, but I feel a tinge of longing for more of God when I see my friends all about to go. Oh well.

One of the things I was reminded of during camp was 2 Timothy 4:2. Preach the word. Be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke and encourage- with great patience and careful instruction. I'm reminded of this verse especially because of the phrasing "out of season".

It's been quite obvious to me that right now I'm out of season. I'm on the bench, not the field. (Who benched me is another issue, because this is one coach I can't be angry at for long).

But I guess there're quite a few things I've gotta learn at this stage in my walk with God. Slowly learning them.

A sugarcane drink. I think it's about 1 litre. Had it at Chomp Chomp.

This season has also been a fairly good time of meeting up with many friends. Dinner, sleepovers, fellowship, rest.

Through this all, I need to remember to let God be God and let man be man. In other words, I fully trust God in everything. Man will fail me ever so often, and I shouldn't hold it against any of them.

This season has had its fair share of disappointments with people and various issues. One thing I'm learning is that many things are not for us to handle. In particular, many people are not for us to concern ourselves over and worry about.

Some people just disappoint you again and again and again. My personal view is that it often reaches a point in time where you've got to seriously consider. Do you continue being the person's friend? Can you take being disappointed again? Is the potential hurt worth it? Can you handle it? There've been times when the answer for me has been no. Sometimes though, it's a yes.

I did not write that on the tree.

Snapped this at the Botanical Gardens. Went there last Saturday for a recce of the place for the stuff Ivy, Enos and Charis are planning for Children's Day.

The thought? I'm just so blessed to be serving with children. One thing God reminded me of during camp was that one of the blessings He's given to me are my CM kids. It's just so wonderful spending time with them.

This NS Book Project. As far as I'm concerned, I'm prepared to dig in for the long haul. I'm still excited and passionate about it. We're still working on it.

I've learnt so much already. Spoken to so many more people. I'm not very sure where this will all go. But ultimately, I need to remember that neither my sense of success nor value in the eyes of God hinges on this project. The same goes for every single project and endeavour we embark on for God.

No, for my self-worth and success and value in the sight of God rest elsewhere. It rests on whether I'm obedient to God. It rests on whether I'm availing myself to His service. It rests on how much I let Him take control.

Pray pray pray.

Learning so much patience through this. Learning to be obedient to God and be humble to receive human opinion. Learning, learning. Slowly improving on all these weaknesses.

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