Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Work and All

Been rather busy working these last few days.

Also been doing as much as I can with my holidays. Trying to read up more on stuff I should be reading up on... etc

Very grateful to have some good colleagues who actually explain stuff to me. It's amazing how people who are so into their work can forget that newcomers actually need to pick up stuff. For the drivers, imagine going into a manual car on your first lesson. And then the instructor tells you. "This is the steering wheel, this is the accelerator and clutch and brake. Okay. Now drive."

So you manage to figure out to release the handbrake and step on the accelerator. Engine splutters.

"You need to get to the biting point first."

"Err... so what exactly is the biting point..."

That's kinda how I felt when one of my colleagues tried to explain stuff to me today. Using all the cheem language. Didn't help at all.

Thought of the day is about security and fulfillment.

We often ask God for security in our lives. We ask for fulfillment. In our minds we might picture something like a stable job and perhaps a fulfilling and meaningful work experience. Or perhaps we might want security in terms of friends and fulfillment in terms of being able to watch people grow.

All these aren't wrong by themselves. But really. True security and fulfillment. That begins and ends with a relationship with God doesn't it? I find my security in God. I find my fulfillment with God. Take away everything and I still have my security and fulfillment. Give me everything and I am not a mite richer, for God should be my everything.

I say should be, because I have yet to reach that. Today, I was kinda affected when I realised that one of my module's component grades didn't seem to be too good. So it really made me feel down for a while. In the end I mailed the prof and it turns out that it's not really a problem. Thank God. But then again, perhaps, if I really were to trust God as my everything, all this news should not even faze me.

So much more space to grow in terms of Christ-likeness.

NS Book Project

Has been gathering some steam over the last few weeks. Just seems that many people want to write and are agreeable. Just that they need countless reminders and pushing. So perhaps 10 reminders generate about 1 account. Draining at times. But really, it is kinda hard to keep reminding individuals repeatedly to hand us their accounts of NS. There're only a few of us compiling, compared to a potential pool of a few hundred (if we do get up to that much). Uses up a lot of time that could be spent elsewhere e.g. to figure out publishing... etc.

Then again, doing stuff for Children's Ministry under Aunty Cindy taught me quite a few things. That people are like that lah. What to do? I can get angry or I can just keep reminding them and keep pushing. Anger would be a waste of time. Hardly productive. Discouragement would be a waste of thinking space. This is natural stuff. It happens when there's nothing at stake for people. No money, no nothing. Makes no difference if the same goes for the one leading the project. Sometimes, they can't be bothered and you can't be angry. So you've got to tell your ego to take a holiday and keep working at it.

But ultimately, God sees it all. And that alone gives the whole matter a purpose.

That being said, there are some days that I do feel down trying to get this project done. Some days that I just seem to ask God. "Eh Lord, your project leh. For you one. It's not like we're earning any money from this at all. In fact, if anything, we are prepared to spend. Why don't you just make it easier and like y'know, inspire people to write and send stuff to me fast?"

Just remembering Nehemiah and the building of the wall. Few rewards, many discouragement. Lasting results.

Also remembered that if truly, this was God's project, as I claim it to be, then I need not fret. I do my part, and the rest I trust in God to provide. I don't need to worry about God's job.

And, quite a bit of good has come out of this project thus far. Talking with more people. Seeing various perspectives of God in NS. Remembering for myself some of the days that God brought me through. Yes, it's been rather rewarding. I do hope that this book touches people. Both those who've been through NS experiences, and those who'll never go through them. I am still excited about this and looking forward to it. Just need quite a bit of help. I don't need sympathy and agreement. I don't need yes in principle. I need action.

And face it. Perhaps I need to pray more.