Sunday, March 14, 2010

Brevity, and a Letter

I'd just like to post a quick one. Don't think I'll be able to blog for most of this week. Will be at Vacation Bible Camp from tomorrow night till Wednesday. So gonna sleep at church in the nights and go to school when there are lessons in the day. Really pray for God’s favour to be on the camp. I don’t quite know how it’s all gonna happen.

I’ve been thinking bout many things recently. I think I’ll just share some edited parts of a letter to God I typed on Friday evening.

"Dear Lord,

I’m sitting here at the bench outside the School Of Accountancy. A guest seminar has just ended. Many real cool speakers. Stuff bout entrepreneurship, bout making money. Bout chasing your dreams, following your instincts. Going out there to make a killing. I’m thinking that this is all very good. But somehow, I don’t seem to have that much passion for these things. I’m really not that interested in making that much money. I have one interest right now, Lord. And that is chasing after your heart. Just like Acts 13:22 said that David chased after yours.

I’m thinking. How did Daniel feel when he was in the courts of Babylon? All the power. All the trappings and glory of Babylon. Wasn’t he awed by the royal splendor of the king? What was it in Daniel that caused him to still chase after you in those courts?

I’m in a school in the heart of the city. It seems to embody the city culture. Fast-paced life. Glamour. Nicely dressed ladies and gentlemen. People who tell me that I’ve got to know where I’m going in life. People who say to me that I should enter SMU with a dream. And work hard in that four years to fulfill that dream. Not all of that advice is bad. But Lord, I’m just thinking. Money, fame, power. All the glamour. The chasing of the dream. It does not resonate with me. What do I seek? I seek your face, dear Lord.

Yet for reasons I am not really clear about (I thought I knew why I was studying Business before I enlisted, but that was then), you’ve allowed me entry into this university. Into a Business Management course. I prayed about it. I got in. Here I am. Now what? I stand in an earthly court and I look to a heavenly throne. What do you want for me Lord? Speak to your servant that he might listen and carry out what he needs to.

Here I am. I am standing in a crowd transfixed on the temporal (but of course not all the crowd... there are still a handful who put you first- then again how would I know, you Lord, search their hearts, not I). A place where people look all around them, but do not look up to you. I lift my eyes up to you O Lord. What do you want for me? What do you want from me? All I am is yours, dear Lord. Do as you will.

I’m chasing you. I’m feeling pressured that I may not be chasing earthly things enough. Am I honouring you in what I do O God? Am I spending too much time in ministry? Speak to your servant O Lord. If there is any way in which I do not honour you, please tell me. I want to honour you in everything I do. I seek you with all my heart. Do not let me stray from your paths.

Yet if it pleases you O Lord, guide me. Lead me into the exact place that you want me to be. That I may serve you and please you and work for you O Lord. I will not be sastisfied with money or power or fame or glamour. I desire to cast not a fleeting glance on young women as they sashay their way around the campus in their pretty clothes. I desire to fix my eyes on you O Lord. I will only be satisfied when you are satisfied with me.

I know not how many days I have on this planet. I know my glory is an eternal one. I know that above all these temporal things, I chase an eternal glory. I chase you O Lord. Not the things of this world. I run the race and I desire to hear my well done, thou good and faithful servant. Teach me O Lord. To run with focus. To know what to put my strength into. That in all I do I may be pleasing to you. That the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing to you O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer. That is all I will O Lord. To be pleasing in your sight. All I have is yours. It is at your disposal. Take and use and do as you will. I am yours. Only say the word, that your servant might do what you will. Here I am. Teach me your ways O God."

Yeah, so that's it for now. Also thinking bout ministry stuff and all.

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