Sunday, October 25, 2009

Me


For the record that was 5 years ago. I don't behave that immaturely now. I'm much better at it today.
.
.
I am Me
Who God created to be
It is not for me to worry
Or wonder
Or ponder
How to meet my expectations for myself
For just like an over-demanding prof
I'll never anyway please
I'll raise my own expectations for myself
Higher and higher and higher
Every time I hit a new level


It is not wrong to have expectations
But those should be God's expectations
For where meeting my own expectations bring higher expectations still
Meeting God's expectations
Brings all the blessings that come with obedience
Between reachable standards
In the bible so clearly demarcated
And moderated by blood should I at times fail
and the ridiculous, changing expectations of my own
I choose the simple
And rest
And am still


I will be who God made Me to be
Just Me
My human power is limited
And the might put into my hands
Just enough to do
What will make the Maker smile


Today was a day of rest and reflections. It was a day which began rather smoothly in church. Had a really blessed time of praise and worship. I enjoyed myself. I have not for some time.

I thought about the fruits of my labour. I wondered why I am often so tightly strung. I wondered about the energy I have put into studying. I wondered if I have begun to shift my focus away from honouring God to simply trying to score well.

Today the speaker said that John Wesley said (if I remember correctly) that hard work was good, but it should not be injurious. Injurious to my relationship with God, people or my own body.

I read a little RBC booklet which at that point in time was talking about Elijah just after the Mount Carmel experience. And it said that I should

1)Understand that I am human. And that I have limitations.

2)Understand that God can bring me through, just like Elijah's great victory for God on Carmel. But He doesn't always choose to do so. So I have to moderate my expectations.

3)Understand that God will be able to carry out His own plans no matter what.

And often it is the Lord who will fight the battle, not us by our own strength.

I'm now into the 10th week of my university life. Already I am learning so much. Already I have understood so many of my limitations. Already I so need God's grace each day. Somedays I wish I could blog more. But really, amidst all that mirth-filled banter... when I am already so tired and drained in the night. I guess sometimes it'll be safer not to blog stuff that I might later regret.

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