Saturday, October 31, 2009

Just musings



I am quite looking forward to a couple of camps at the end of this year. As well as many sleepovers and stuff.

Well, well... what a year. It's drawing to a close already. So many things have changed so quickly. So much to ponder about.

I really enjoyed this week. Met up with so many friends, made new friends. Was really very enjoyable and thanked God all the way. Next week, I'm looking forward to a couple of presentations. Will also be finishing all the work for 2 of my modules. Am very grateful for that. It seems that things are lightening up a bit, and I'm glad that I worked hard at first. Well, the other reason is also that I'm spending much more time with God. And really it is amazing how God provides. Things just fall into place and joy comes.

Yet again, 1 Corinthians 10:12 reminds me to be very careful if I think I'm standing firm.

I've been praying and wondering about my purpose here in SMU, too.

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Me


For the record that was 5 years ago. I don't behave that immaturely now. I'm much better at it today.
.
.
I am Me
Who God created to be
It is not for me to worry
Or wonder
Or ponder
How to meet my expectations for myself
For just like an over-demanding prof
I'll never anyway please
I'll raise my own expectations for myself
Higher and higher and higher
Every time I hit a new level


It is not wrong to have expectations
But those should be God's expectations
For where meeting my own expectations bring higher expectations still
Meeting God's expectations
Brings all the blessings that come with obedience
Between reachable standards
In the bible so clearly demarcated
And moderated by blood should I at times fail
and the ridiculous, changing expectations of my own
I choose the simple
And rest
And am still


I will be who God made Me to be
Just Me
My human power is limited
And the might put into my hands
Just enough to do
What will make the Maker smile


Today was a day of rest and reflections. It was a day which began rather smoothly in church. Had a really blessed time of praise and worship. I enjoyed myself. I have not for some time.

I thought about the fruits of my labour. I wondered why I am often so tightly strung. I wondered about the energy I have put into studying. I wondered if I have begun to shift my focus away from honouring God to simply trying to score well.

Today the speaker said that John Wesley said (if I remember correctly) that hard work was good, but it should not be injurious. Injurious to my relationship with God, people or my own body.

I read a little RBC booklet which at that point in time was talking about Elijah just after the Mount Carmel experience. And it said that I should

1)Understand that I am human. And that I have limitations.

2)Understand that God can bring me through, just like Elijah's great victory for God on Carmel. But He doesn't always choose to do so. So I have to moderate my expectations.

3)Understand that God will be able to carry out His own plans no matter what.

And often it is the Lord who will fight the battle, not us by our own strength.

I'm now into the 10th week of my university life. Already I am learning so much. Already I have understood so many of my limitations. Already I so need God's grace each day. Somedays I wish I could blog more. But really, amidst all that mirth-filled banter... when I am already so tired and drained in the night. I guess sometimes it'll be safer not to blog stuff that I might later regret.

Saturday, October 17, 2009

Driving

Famous quotes (as correct as I can possibly remember):


"WHAT ARE YOU DOING??? (hands raised up, face shaking uncontrollably for dramatic effect)"
- My first driving instructor, very often


The reason why I am confident today of my driving skills:

"You see, young man, all my learners have an advantage over other learners. That's because I don't have a brake on my side, so you can trust your own skills."
- My second driving instructor


The REAL reason why I am confident today of my driving skills:

"Young man, you see how much I trust you?"
- My second driving instructor, every morning, poring through a copy of Today as I drive down the road


Okay, the REAL, REAL reason why I am confident today of my driving skills:

"UNCLE AH, SO TURN LEFT CORRECT?"
- Me, loudly, to wake up my driving instructor

Startled* "Uh yeah yeah, left, left. You need to be careful of your clutch control, young man, I've been observing you..."
- My second driving instructor, before returning to dreamland


Words of wisdom from my dad:

"Yong, if you're a new driver, don't park besides a branded car. It costs more if you scratch it"

"Be careful not to make a mistake here, because it will be a $5000 mistake"
-(as I back into a parking lot next to a Mercedes)

Friday, October 16, 2009

I Ran


East Coast Park 2008- Training for Army Half Marathon
I ran
Upon the concrete pavement
The bitumen surface
And the dirt track


Freshmen Teambuilding Camp- Raft building. Using pipes and drums. It was the first to be completed- and it remained rock solid throughout!
Over the grassy patch
And watched as the sun delightfully set


Frisbee just last Saturday- The frisbee team (Adele and Daniel were from other teams. We're missing Brian and Rachel in this shot)
Just as each day brings its musings
And each period its thoughts
So I look behind me
And give thanks for the distance thus far run.


Teachers' Day lunch. Remember the lemongrass drink gentlemen?
A service served
A period well spent rested
The return to studying


TREK program. It's a children's program with Scripture Union. That's me doing actions on stage.
Of friendships lost and found
Solitude and the crowd
Contemplation, as always


LTB execution. Note the media crew. Heard we're still running on Channel News Asia's 6:30p.m. news.
Of many lessons learnt

Expectations

To learn to work towards the Lord’s expectations, not my own

After Leader Presentation for LTB: Setting Mr Welch free at the library! We let the balloons float past the library so that those in the library could get a good glimpse of Mr Welch, of General Electric fame.
Success

Out of the hand of God, humongous full-stop


NPCC. Back facing camera is Mr. Wu, my Teacher-officer from back then. Respect the guy still.
Children

Play harder than I teach
For then they will learn better

Need explanation?
Service

Worship before works
Love before righting wrongs

Stewardship Sunday. God brought us through. Still don't quite like it that it was like called "Tai Yong and his team" all the time. We worked as equal members of the team. I didn't do a really good job many times through this project. I thought Sheila and Ivy did very well though.
Trials

They teach many important lessons


Caleb Lim and I: Passing-out-parade for Basic Military Training. The start of one very long lesson for both of us, in our own very different vocations and fields.
Rest

The presence of the Lord gives rest


Our band-of-brothers shot after frisbee. Still remember the movie. I watched mine in NS, in the bunks, past 12a.m. with my fellow specs, over a period of 2 to 3 months. It was awesome. I still treasure the memories of watching that with Rahman, Chris, Alex...
Friendship

Expect God to be God
Expect man to be man
Don’t expect God to fail me; He never does
Expect the most trusted I have amongst man to fail me occasionally; they sometimes do
So do I


Freshmen teambuilding camp group at Convocation
School and studying

View it all in the long-term
After all:
Looking back at my primary, secondary and junior college days,
What really matters to me now?
I would be wise to focus on those things
Study hard for God, yes
But that’s where it just begins

NPCC: 2003-2004 batch of NCOs. The last muster parade. When you go through 4 years of studying, physical training, drills, punishments, conflicts, successes, you do not easily forget. This experience forged friendships for me stronger than in army. I can easily tell whenever I meet any of these old friends.
Romance

Serve as I wait
Worship as I wait
Not to awaken before the time is right
Not to trust the eyes
But to trust the One who searches the heart


Butterfly atop Gunung Tapis, if I'm not wrong. Picture taken by one of the ODACians in 2005 (yup 05 if I remember correctly)
Counselling people

Speak carefully
Only with words of God
Be silent often
Listen with the heart
Don’t think that you are the one ministering
If anything, it is the Holy Spirit, through you

This girl was saying something really deep during TREK program. Something like "As deers shed their antlers so we must shed our sinful nature"
Anger

A fool is quick to show his annoyance
But a prudent man overlooks an insult
(Proverbs 12:16)


Happy trekking with wet, swollen feet. Back then, in the days before army, I thought that that backpack, a mere wimpy 15 kg, was heavy. Later on it became a joy and a holiday to carry 15 kg of weight.
Now all has been heard;
Here is the conclusion of the matter;
Fear God and keep His commandments,
For this is the whole duty of man.
For God will bring every deed into judgement,
Including every hidden thing,
Whether it is good or evil
-Ecclesiastes 12:13-14

The things they make you do at Bondue camp (that's SMU business school camp for you). Tsk tsk.

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Today

Today had frisbee.

Was a rather fun and fulfilling day spent with Crusaders.

Had dinner with Merv.

Ended the day talking with Jeremy. Was real good and enjoyable.

Just really want to spend so much more time with the Lord.

Think my study break's been quite productive.

Learning and pondering so many things these days. It's a period of growth and practice.

The most important thing in such a period must be to wait upon God in stillness of heart, for if that is lost in a time of growth... then I think it sorta backfires. The time of growth is lost in despair.

Sunday, October 04, 2009

Some time

It's been some time since I've last posted. So much has happened these last few days. So much cannot be said on a blog.

What does it cost and what does it pay to rest in the presence of God?

Well, at least one thing is certain. Life is getting... interesting. I suppose that's a euphemistic way to put it. But oh well.

Looking out of the window into the night. Pinkish sky. Feeling the gentle breeze. Contemplating matters. It is a beautiful night, another one of those God-given moments. I often have flashbacks of similar moments. I remember a moment in the Asrama area. Same pinkish sky. But atop a knoll, damp. Digging, digging, digging. Looking at the distant HDB block. Wondering when it would end. It ended but now my mind's back there.