Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Campus Crusade Camp

What I have to thank God for:

-Wonderful group members. Michael, Sarah, Christabel, Chloe.

-Excellent seniors. Eugene, Adora, Claire, Isaac, Joanne.

-Many heart to heart talks with many people.

I truly enjoyed myself being with the the freshmen in my group. It's been some time since I've seen a group of people with so much of a heart for God. So I was rather refreshed. I have not been refreshed by the dedication of people to Christ for quite awhile. Simply because I have not seen such dedication to Christ for quite awhile in my life.

Michael is a very calm, collected man with much humour and many talents. In speech, in satire, in mimicking stuff. And just to see him decide to rededicate his life and time to God again is so wonderful.

Sarah is a lady who is able to make one feel comfortable. I thought she exuded a certain warmth of Christ. That though you don't really know her, when you begin to talk with her, it truly feels like meeting an old friend.

Christabel has this overwhelming passion for Christ and longing to please God. And it is simply so awesome to hear her speak of her walk with God.

Chloe. I like the way she can lose herself in the presence of God during praise and worship. But besides that didn't spend as much time as I'd have liked to talking to her.

Jia Hao was not in my group. But I was really thankful to see my old comrade in arms from BSLC here in SMU, still serving the Lord. And I really praise God that He's brought us out of all those times to serve Him here in the same place. Of course I didn't quite follow up on Gabriel or Cai Xiang or Choy, besides the occasional MSN chat or SMS. But I trust that God will work in them wherever they are. With or without camo cream and a most memorable Sispec Platoon Sergeant and Platoon Commander.

Okay, of the seniors, it really affirmed for me the fact that it is possible by the grace of God to remain godly in a place known to many as hard ground. Of great encouragement to me was Eugene and his commitment to God after so many years in SMU. Didn't see much of Isaac around, but have been hearing many good things. Was very enriching talking to Joanne and hearing the perspective of a Christian student studying business. I always hear perspectives from Christian seniors in business... but I'm not always sure that the person is really Christian first, business student second. For Joanne I really felt that she honoured God first. I do wonder if I'll be like that. Adora and Claire are both very nice to talk to as well. I suspect Claire's knowledge and depth is far greater than what it appears on the seemingly unassuming surface. Heh, and if I had written a second letter to Adora, would have written that her mischievous grin lightens up my day.

Spent this morning talking with Joshua Toh till about 0530 HRS, then woke up at 0700 HRS. One thing that struck me was the exuberance and radiance that he projected. The degree of his desire to see God work in his life and his sincerity.

Further reflections?

So what impact has this camp had on me, that will overflow into my life as a student in SMU? Or rather, what has God given me in this camp that will make a difference? Will I build walls round myself now or really as John 17:18 says, be sent into the world?

One thing I really miss is the times I had with Jing Jie, Jie Hau, Wan Lin, Mei Yan, Kwan Chin in AJC. How we had this passion to reach out to our generation. It is a passion for evangelism that kinda died out in my NS years I guess.

Psalm 115:1. Not to us O Lord, not to us, but to your name be the glory, because of your love and faithfulness.

John 3:30. He must become greater I must become less.

2 things were kinda different for me in this camp. 1st. The footprints of my kor all over the place. The "Tai Wei's brother" thing. Which is not a bad thing I'll say cuz I really do respect my kor and learn a whole lot from him. But it was a rather interesting experience. Feels like there's an expectation for me to live up to though.

2nd. This fascination or maybe even over-harping on the fact that I can memorise scripture well. I mean, yeah, all glory be to God. And I really pray and hope that this is an encouragement to others, not a discouragement. That it will build them up, and they will exceed me, to the glory of God.

I just felt that this was very dangerous on 2 counts. Firstly, that it could cause me to grow complacent and think too highly of myself. Or that it could cause me to memorise scripture for the wrong reasons, to gain the approval and attention of man. 1 Corinthians 4:7. "Who makes you different from anyone else? What do you have that you did not receive? And if you did receive it, why then do you boast as if you had not?" Seriously, I just want to love God and His word, and I really need to watch myself on this, that I don't be pressured/ complacent in learning to use His word. But oh well. Hopefully all the attention on this God-given ability dies down after a while.

Secondly. I was just telling God this morning during QT. That even as Isaiah 48:11 says that He will not yield His glory to another, that I did not want to let any of the glory or attention come to me. All glory, attention, eyes and fascination on God. Not on the ability or the servant who bears the ability. While flattering, it is poisonous. I don't know whether to cringe or to smile when people go like "wah... you memorised all that ah???"

I also understand that it's only been a couple of days that people know me. I was telling Michael, Eugene and Joshua at different times that seriously, people don't know all the flaws I have. And I truly am concerned many a time that they have this over-rated opinion of me that will cause them to stumble when I do fail. It's been a concern throughout many years in my life in various ministries. One thing God has taught me is that as Christians, we are to focus and learn from Him. Not so much from what looks to our human eyes as a "better" or "good" Christian. And that is one thing that has benefitted me greatly and caused me to grow. And now that I have grown and continue to grow, may I not be such a person in the eyes of others.

While God will not fail us, I might fail others.

Alright, but let me not end on such a sombre note. God is so wonderful and marvellous and has provided so much for me these last few days. Bondue's tomorrow. And that is one camp I've forced myself to join. Since John 17:15 says that the prayer of Christ was not that we be taken out of the world, but that we be protected from the evil one. So I thought I needed to go in and go through it, rather than shun it. Okay. Pray for me yeah. Wisdom to know exactly what to do and how to respond in every possible situation.

Night all.

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