Here I am, seated down at the computer screen. I am struggling with 2 different responses. One of praise and joy. The other of sheer anger at God and frustration.
I did not pass my driving test this morning. Everything went like a dream. The tester was good, the road conditions were excellent. I was perfect for all the circuit obstacles. But I mounted the kerb for the crank course and made a few more mistakes on the crank course out of frustration. You could say I failed on the crank course and the crank course alone. It's not even one of my normal problems.
I could ask God why He allowed this to happen, I suppose. How much more time and money and all that this is going to cost. It would be most natural. Yet I examine a few bible verses and a few experiences and realise that I have to trust God in all this.
Romans 8:28 - God works out all things for the good of those who love Him.
James 1:2-4- Consider it pure joy my brothers whenever you face trials of many kinds. For you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work in you so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
(I admit that I am kinda forcing myself to type this out)
I remember my army days. God did not allow me to go where I wanted to go. I became an infantry specialist. And yet in spite of that I have God to thank for changing so many of my perspectives and character through all that.
There was this experience when I led a section to compete in a friendly shooting competition with a foreign army. The winning section would get a day off. My section scored 46/48. The 2 points lost by 1 of my men. He lost the 2 points because he did not pay heed to my advice on how to aim his weapon. It was nerve-wracking waiting for the final results. I told my men that the way they behaved in that waiting period would show what kind of a man each of them was. Would they become bitter and in anxiety blame the one soldier who had lost the 2 points? Or would they keep the integrity of the team and wait calmly for the result. Where were their values? Which was more important? Title or team? Emotions or consideration for the poor guy?
We produced the best result that day within our own unit, but we didn't beat the best team from the foreign army. We still got a day off, but I gained more than that. I gained a lesson in character.
And so, today, here I stand, with another lesson in character. It is my choice how to behave. I could become snappy and really angry right now, which is very possible indeed. Or I could choose to remain calm and continue to praise God. Will I now trust God? It is not easy but I must do it.
I do feel sad and don't feel like doing anything now. But then again, I guess how I behave and what I choose to think about now determines the level of my trust in the sovereignity of God.