Wednesday, January 07, 2009

In such times

It's 12 midnight.
And in the ironic wakefulness that gets to me at such hours.
I in my unsleepful state shall attempt to appreciate the splendor of the moment.
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I am 20, it's a new year.
I shall be 21 this year.
I thought that NS would turn me from a boy into a man.
And I believe it has.
But not the man I'd expected I'd be.
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Nevertheless I have been schooled in life by God.
I have not enjoyed myself terrifically.
I have not as many friends as I'd have liked.
But I enjoy the harvest of righteousness resulting from discipline.
And I enjoy the sweet closeness of a few good friends.
In church and in camp.
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My Lord did not speak to me much for the time I was inside.
Though sometimes I did feel it was all I needed- a word from God.
But God did speak now and then.
He didn't speak clearly as I was at one time used to.
But He spoke through circumstances and situations and taught me much.
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I recall He last spoke to me clearly in perhaps the January of 2007.
And the next time He spoke was 30 November 2008, on the first evening of the Childrens' Camp.
I cannot describe the awe I felt.
I cannot explain how painful and yet valuably powerful this training in silence was for me.
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I never thought I'd be where I am, doing what I do.
It isn't highly recognized.
It isn't appreciated much.
I may not be popular at my workplace.
I may not have many friends in my workplace.
But through all this I have experienced the loving-kindness of a Heavenly Father who never once abandoned me.
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I have experienced the provision of a Saviour.
Who patiently moulded, chiselled away
At a piece of workmanship that was not always that joyful
Even though joyfulness always in His word was a command.
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I became less vocal.
Temporal or perennial I know not.
More silent.
Some people at church observed that.
But I grew more sensitive to the Holy Spirit.
As Lamentations 3 says
It is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord
It is good for a man to bear the yoke while He is young.
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And I learned wisdom in silence
Just as Proverbs says that a fool talks much but even a fool who keeps quiet can look prudent.
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I venture to say that as I wait upon Him
As the KJV says in Isaiah 40:31
I shall mount up on wings like eagles
Run and not weary
Walk and not faint.
But may I repeat that the promise is conditional
That first, I wait.
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I venture further to say that do not fix your eyes on me.
Fix the eyes on He to whom the hands that mould me belong to.
If I have offended, I tarry not in apologizing.
If I have blessed I must hurry to say "praise God".
For I have must have initially been blessed much, to bless much.
I must loudly utter this
Expect not much of me
Expect much of my God.
(And even then, expect what is word-based and right to expect.
Then you shall not be disappointed in God due to faulty understanding.)
For 1 Corinthians 3:7-8 says that neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything
Only God, for He makes the plant grow.
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I stop here, for I have only a faint glimmer of a hope that this piece shall be coherent and make sense tomorrow morning. I can only hope that if I should read this after I wake up, it shall be a sufficiently acceptable piece, not a literary abomination.
Psalm 127:2- The Lord gives sleep to those He loves.
Good night all.

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