Friday, November 30, 2007

1 SIR

Had my first week in 1 SIR.

Was a little down this week, at the beginning, cuz couldn't take leave for childrens' camp, something I've been looking forward to for some time. Some late nights and early mornings in ROC I could be carrying the standard 30 kg or so, nursing blisters and telling myself that, " at least after this ends I'll have a chance to take leave and go to this camp". Have been praying bout this for some time.

Goes something like "God please let me go for this camp, really need a time to be with the kids, be with my bros and sistas in you, just relax in a godly atmosphere... but your will be done Lord."

And His will isn't always a pleasant thing.

Been working around difficult people for quite some time. Just thought I'd needed a break. Apparently my battalion doesn't think so. And neither does my God. So there. That's so army. I think I need something but others don't think I do.

It's real hard to trust in God sometimes? When things don't go your way. It's a test of faith.

My JC mate's dad passed away 2 weeks ago or so. That's a greater test of faith.

So many feelings and emotions and thoughts I'd like to put up here... but all I can say... is that NS has made me a little bit wiser, a little bit stronger, a little bit more experienced.

Wiser- The smallness of myself and my capabilities, the futility of going it alone. The wisdom of having to trust in God.

Stronger- The ability to keep going. To accept physical, mental and emotional exhaustion as my colleague.

Experienced- The betrayals of trust. The broken friendships, silent hurts and forgiveness on my part. To take emotional pain, hand it to God, forgive, and smile. To understand the human weaknesses of individuals. To know that some people always will hurt you and try to exploit you... and still accept them as friends, wary in your heart, yet full of love as Christ would. To also recognize that those you believe to be true friends might turn against you when adversity tests friendships.

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