Friday, November 30, 2007

1 SIR

Had my first week in 1 SIR.

Was a little down this week, at the beginning, cuz couldn't take leave for childrens' camp, something I've been looking forward to for some time. Some late nights and early mornings in ROC I could be carrying the standard 30 kg or so, nursing blisters and telling myself that, " at least after this ends I'll have a chance to take leave and go to this camp". Have been praying bout this for some time.

Goes something like "God please let me go for this camp, really need a time to be with the kids, be with my bros and sistas in you, just relax in a godly atmosphere... but your will be done Lord."

And His will isn't always a pleasant thing.

Been working around difficult people for quite some time. Just thought I'd needed a break. Apparently my battalion doesn't think so. And neither does my God. So there. That's so army. I think I need something but others don't think I do.

It's real hard to trust in God sometimes? When things don't go your way. It's a test of faith.

My JC mate's dad passed away 2 weeks ago or so. That's a greater test of faith.

So many feelings and emotions and thoughts I'd like to put up here... but all I can say... is that NS has made me a little bit wiser, a little bit stronger, a little bit more experienced.

Wiser- The smallness of myself and my capabilities, the futility of going it alone. The wisdom of having to trust in God.

Stronger- The ability to keep going. To accept physical, mental and emotional exhaustion as my colleague.

Experienced- The betrayals of trust. The broken friendships, silent hurts and forgiveness on my part. To take emotional pain, hand it to God, forgive, and smile. To understand the human weaknesses of individuals. To know that some people always will hurt you and try to exploit you... and still accept them as friends, wary in your heart, yet full of love as Christ would. To also recognize that those you believe to be true friends might turn against you when adversity tests friendships.

Saturday, November 24, 2007

I graduated

Passed out of SISPEC yesterday. Finally left Pasir Laba Camp. Was really glad to take my posting notice and move past the gate for the last time. I may come back some day, but for now, I'm just very grateful it's over.

Been through some painful times. Glad God brought me through.

Posted to 1 SIR, the unit with the oldest history around. Am looking forward to taking and training soldiers. Back to the good old infantry stuff.

NS has made me a quieter person.



Sunday, November 18, 2007

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Sometimes in army things get really tough. You just know that God is using the moment and situation to mould you. It's not always easy holding on to God. Christian people who behave worse than non-Christians. You look at them and sometimes you really question God. How can a Christian be using so many vulgarities? How can a Christian be talking so crudely about sex? Influence others to do unethical things?

Over the past weeks or so I've been the butt of many sarcastic and cruel comments of some influential people I've offended, some Christian. In the army. So much so that many people have problems to pick against me. It doesn't feel good to be called names. Like I've been called a dog, for example. Sometimes they gang up and say unpleasant things against me. And I'm already being very mild in my description.

It's tough not to strike back. It's tough to swallow.

At least I have only one week more to go before being posted to a new unit. I pray, and please do pray with me, that I'll be able to attend childrens' camp, at least and also YPM camp.

... Childrens' ministry is really a lifeline to me. It grounds me somewhere, that at least I know that there are brothers and sisters who do care for me. It's a warm place to be. I've been a soldier for 7 months and I really thank God for CM.

Sunday, November 11, 2007

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Hi all. I'm back from my stint in Taiwan. Some parts were rather demanding physically. Went through quite a bit in the Taiwanese jungle.

Have become mentally stronger, more perseverant. Never gave up.

Some ugly stuff happened, too. Makes me emotionally stronger. It is painful when people turn back and bite you. People you helped and cared for. It is hard not to strike back.

Not to worry. I'm quite okay right now. Good to be back in Singapore. Brought back lots of food. Heard YPM camp tickets sold out already. Oh well. The first one I won't be going since Sec. 1 I think.