Saturday, September 15, 2007

A small infantry corporal's thoughts.

-I'm nothing big really. Just going to be the lowest ranked commander around. I would like a combat unit, but I seem to be getting more injuries these days, and I want to exercise for the rest of my life. So we'll see.

-It's really me and God these days. Family cares the most for me, besides my God. Some friends are supportive. Some are not. Some still know me as the old me. But things are not the same. I think and act differently now. It may not be obvious, but I know. At the same time, I'm rather distanced from civilian life. It seems out of my world right now.

For who understands except my God?

To those who still care, thank you so much.

To the others, that's alright. Don't blame you or anything. You have your own life to lead, your own things to enjoy. It's not wrong. I am nothing big. Nothing great. In the first place it's not as if I deserve to be cared for. And I am not being sarcastic. When I suffer and I see you enjoying yourself, not really bothering bout me, it's okay. The worst is when you think you understand me and my situation better than me, but you really don't. But it's okay. Really. Painful, yes. But I don't hold it against you. May God bless you richly in your own life.

Something I learnt after joining the army. People will forever hurt you. Sometimes they won't know. Just forgive them and don't repay it to them. Sometimes they do it intentionally. It's okay. Jesus loves them. When they want to mend bridges, don't turn them down. But know that they might just treat you like dirt again.

Some people do things for self gain. They will fight for themselves first and foremost. If they are on good terms with you, there's a high chance that it's because they see good things for themselves in it. But when hard times come, they won't give a damn about you. It gets real bad, when you begin to think that you really have a friend in such a person.

Yet for every hurt I go through, my Lord has gone throught far worst. I can keep going because I know He has felt far worse hurt than I. And that truly, I can better comprehend how God feels.

Not everything is in black and white. There are ethical dilenmas each day.

Each day really worries about itself. I have to live day to day. Sometimes things don't get done by 1 a.m. or so in the morning. Best thing to do is just to sleep and try to settle it the next day. Often, problems settle themselves.

It's been good the last few days. Little sleep. But good Quiet Time. I actually find more strength in spending time with God than getting a few extra minutes of sleep. It's surprising. People are still fast asleep when I get up to pray. But I can take it throughout the whole day by God's grace.

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