Friday, September 28, 2007

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Hi all

Just booked out today. Good to be home.

Next 2 weeks will be very demanding. A 32 klick and a field camp are part of it. Field camp will have shellscrape and fire trench to dig through the night, for those who understand.

So far I've been lugging my injuries through. Many many have gone out of course. I do not intend to. It's a risk I continually take- whether my injuries will become permanent. But now 8 weeks more to go. I am not a quitter. Never have been... but have to be wise too.

Please to pray that I'll make it through by God's grace. ... If I was training myself, I'd prob have cut all strenuous physical activity for a month or so.

Pam... take care on your job. Life in uniform's not easy. Am keeping you in prayer. Thanks for keeping me in yours. Hard stuff comes along some days, don't they.

Gabriel Lee and Andrea, who appear to be the only 2 other existing readers, thank you very much for your continued support. Am keeping you both in prayer too, each day, believe it or not. Take care. God-willing will be able to spend more time with CM people after my course, should I complete it.

Sunday, September 23, 2007

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This week was okay. Not too physical, lots of rush to wait, wait to rush.

Have 9 weeks more to graduation, 6 weeks before I come back from ROC. They'll fly by fast enough, provided I make it through. Provided my injuries don't get too bad. Intend to take life at an easier pace, and get back into exercising and all after the course, after I'm totally okay.

Physical fitness has plummeted. Combat fitness has skyrocketed.

Sunday, September 16, 2007

Weekend

I had a good weekend.

Saturday going to Glenn and Luzanne's wedding. Something I was looking forward to but almost couldn't make it. Almost confined cuz of a failed test. Fortunately there was a re-test. To Glenn, if you're reading, which I know you're prob not, it was really a blessing being there, enjoying the sight of you enjoying yourself. Enjoying the food and people.

Today I led praise and worship for CM. I felt surprisingly joyful and good. Don't know whether it was good or bad, but I was ministered to in portions of joy and peace. I didn't even try or do anything. So thank God for that.

Went out, ate with Wayne, Tiew and the guys. Man I spent 10 years in a guy's school, 2 years in JC getting used to the opposite sex and then I enlisted. Haha. But good stuff still, hanging out with guys.

Have about 10 weeks before I graduate from my current course. Please keep me in prayer, that I'll finish well and God will keep me injury free. Also that I may have great wisdom to handle all the things here. It's hard to keep right before God where I am. Often have to make split second ethical decisions and I do make wrong ones at times.

Saturday, September 15, 2007

A small infantry corporal's thoughts.

-I'm nothing big really. Just going to be the lowest ranked commander around. I would like a combat unit, but I seem to be getting more injuries these days, and I want to exercise for the rest of my life. So we'll see.

-It's really me and God these days. Family cares the most for me, besides my God. Some friends are supportive. Some are not. Some still know me as the old me. But things are not the same. I think and act differently now. It may not be obvious, but I know. At the same time, I'm rather distanced from civilian life. It seems out of my world right now.

For who understands except my God?

To those who still care, thank you so much.

To the others, that's alright. Don't blame you or anything. You have your own life to lead, your own things to enjoy. It's not wrong. I am nothing big. Nothing great. In the first place it's not as if I deserve to be cared for. And I am not being sarcastic. When I suffer and I see you enjoying yourself, not really bothering bout me, it's okay. The worst is when you think you understand me and my situation better than me, but you really don't. But it's okay. Really. Painful, yes. But I don't hold it against you. May God bless you richly in your own life.

Something I learnt after joining the army. People will forever hurt you. Sometimes they won't know. Just forgive them and don't repay it to them. Sometimes they do it intentionally. It's okay. Jesus loves them. When they want to mend bridges, don't turn them down. But know that they might just treat you like dirt again.

Some people do things for self gain. They will fight for themselves first and foremost. If they are on good terms with you, there's a high chance that it's because they see good things for themselves in it. But when hard times come, they won't give a damn about you. It gets real bad, when you begin to think that you really have a friend in such a person.

Yet for every hurt I go through, my Lord has gone throught far worst. I can keep going because I know He has felt far worse hurt than I. And that truly, I can better comprehend how God feels.

Not everything is in black and white. There are ethical dilenmas each day.

Each day really worries about itself. I have to live day to day. Sometimes things don't get done by 1 a.m. or so in the morning. Best thing to do is just to sleep and try to settle it the next day. Often, problems settle themselves.

It's been good the last few days. Little sleep. But good Quiet Time. I actually find more strength in spending time with God than getting a few extra minutes of sleep. It's surprising. People are still fast asleep when I get up to pray. But I can take it throughout the whole day by God's grace.

Wednesday, September 05, 2007

Last 2 days

Monday watched Jesus Camp in the night with my old discipleship group. It's a show that'll get you thinking. Got me thinking both ways. Bout the political validity of the show, which I do not entirely trash. And also, looking at the spiritual maturity and hunger the kids had for God. Wow. That reminded me bout how little fire for God is left in me, as compared to before.

Our group started when I was Sec.4, if I remember correctly. Then we were 1 uni student, 3 Sec. 4s, 1 Sec 3. Now it's one working adult with a girlfriend, 1 medical student, 1 SISPEC ASLC trainee, 1 CQ trainee, 1 Poly student. Things advance and change.

Days move forward. Dreams rise and dreams crash. Some known and some unknown.

Tuesday was great. Watched Ratatouille (if I got the spelling right) with Joseph Tiew, Yvonne Kirk and 2 kids. It's wonderful being around children. And a bro and sis in Christ. The movie was good, but the company was better. Walked with Tiew all the way from around church to Eunos MRT. Talking with this bro. Felt like just a lil stroll.

Today was first day of ASLC. Keep me in prayer please.

Loved by the Lord

Through all these trials I am going through, I am loved by the Lord. I am God's most unworthy friend.

These are a few of my current concerns. Prayers are coveted.

1)Whether God would let me finish ASLC. I've got some pain in the left foot still. I think it's the same ol' arch strain. Need to have wisdom and obedience in what exactly to do.

2)To honour God and serve Him with all my heart. In NS. Right here and now. In the midst of every challenge I'm being put through.

3)My ministry to the children never be adversely affected by what goes on to me in the army.

4)I can feel the squeeze, I know that God is allowing me to be moulded and bended. So I need to stick close to God through this all.

5)I'd really love to go to this year's childrens' camp. If God wills He will make a way.

A few names of the bible I like.

Elijah- A strong prophet of God, who was used so mightily. And yet look how often he cried before God. Kinda like me.

Jedidiah- Loved by the Lord, friend of God. God gave Solomon this name as well.

Othniel- Lion of God.

Sunday, September 02, 2007

Of stones and dust

Who am I and what am I becoming? For it seems that the me of 2 months past is no longer the I of present. Tough experiences cut through stone, grinding up dust and powder. The dust is what you now see. The rather emotionless face. Some see it as tiredness. Some see it as being troubled. I'm not too sure what exactly it is myself. Emotional tiredness is definitely one though.

What the stone has become I do not yet know. When the residual powder is washed away then perhaps we shall see.

Last year God was telling me that this year would be tough. Much tougher than the last. So far I've dealt with delinquents, people who slash themselves, people who go boy's home. Then I enlisted. Got into a physically tough company. Then I got into a lot of painful experiences in where I am. The life as a soldier I relish. The things learnt. Some people can really make life difficult and painful though. Some people can really hurt. And you live with them 24 hours. Some can really tear down and destroy what a man is made of... at least they can try.

They have not succeeded. For I have fought and survived. But when the fight and adrenaline rush leaves, the realisation of pain sets in. The momentum has carried me on. But when I rest I realise that I'm aching all over from the fight. A bruise here and there. A bloody nose.

I'm alive and well and God is still good. That's where I stand. Just me and God. No one else can understand. Only me and God. Man cannot be relied on.

Psalm 144. Praise be to the Lord my rock who trains my hands for war and my fingers for battle. He is my loving God and my fortress. My shield in whom I take refuge. Who subdues people under me.

I don't expect anyone to understand. It's alright.