Thursday, March 29, 2007

Maturity






Was extremely bored yesterday and my mom went,"Yong ah... why not take out the Lego set and play huh?" And so I did.

The last time I did was somewhere in say... Primary 6 or Sec.1?

The Lego playset still really engrosses me, y'know. And I'm really not embarassed at all by this. It's who I am. I really still do enjoy playing.

That's good. Guess when I grow up and God-willing, become a father, I can play with my kids... or as my mom suggests, I'll dominate the toys so much that my kids complain.

NS comes soon. It does seem that right now I'm doing the most unique thing a young man my age does.

Ah maturity. Sometimes I feel that in our drive to be or seem mature, we try too hard. We lose a part of ourselves that is God-given. That is creative. We put too strong a filter to our inner creative being. We refuse to act like children and in so doing deny ourselves the joy of the child inside of us. And so in becoming mature we become immature. Immature in that we fail to see the torture we self-impose. Immature adults, devoid of the divine sparkle that children have in their eyes. And divine it is, for who or what, save a God-programmed in-born nature taught the children to play?

Anybody want to play with me? My kor seemed kinda tempted to.

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Hmmm

I'm bored. Nothing to do for a while, except stay at home and recuperate. Can't go out. Can't even afford to pump a lil bit of iron. Can't swim, can't run. Can't exercise. Yikes. I don't feel quite me.

No relief teaching to do. No crazy classes of students. So that's quite relaxing... yet to relax too much ain't too good.

I deleted my Galactic Civilizations game after realizing it was taking up too much energy. And now I don't quite have anything to do.

Finished reading another book today. Sons of the Yellow Emperor by Lynn Pan, bout the Chinese diaspora. A well-researched albeit possibly outdated book. The cultures... etc. Chinese immigrants in Cuba, it appears, were maltreated in the sugar plantations and when they died, they were thrown into a pit, and their bones subsequently dug up to be used for sugar refining, alongside ox bones.

And the British at one time were frustrated with opium-smoking by Chinese immigrants, which they disdained as a Chinese vice. (How cool is that? Now the British got back what they started).

And the Chinese triads the world over. That part's quite cool. Of the tie-ups with Yakuza triads... etc. Of their hierachy. Dragon Heads 龙头大哥 , Second Marshals.... etc. It's actually kinda fun to be a triad boss leh.

Besides that my mind is re-thinking certain questions of my faith. Which is really interesting, come to consider it. In the secular world, I'd be considered a conservative for my Christian viewpoints. In the Christian world, I'm rather more of a disgruntled liberal right now. Not that I'm disillusioned these days. Disillusionment occured way back, and I've come to accept many things as realities, not unchangeable though.

Is the local church really strong? If so, where are the miracles, the healings? (it is quite odd to me that miracles, as the LG skit 2 Sundays back displayed, seems to adopt a more satirical and comedic place than one of holy reverence.) Is the youth really on the move? Are we founded upon emotional qualities of faith more than anything else? And if emotion, which is not altogether bad is the main engine of church in this nation, especially the youth, are we headed in the right direction?

When we glorify God in the schools and the market place are we really doing it right? Are we offending people more than showing them the good news? 1 Peter 3:16 says to do it with gentleness and respect. Are we?

Is Christianity these days so much a relationship with God as it is a socio-cultural phenomenon founded upon societal needs? If the church is supposedly the vanguard of God's kingdom, then why are its units conforming to societal norms of pop music and youthful fervour? Have we lost the whole point?

Seismic shift in me, if you will. After a while, when it all stabilizes, after the viewpoints shift a little, I'll probably not sound so much of a critic.

SMU interview on Saturday 31st March. Please pray. God's will be done.

Sunday, March 25, 2007

Look back

Snippet of my post from August 18 2006

"And that is precisely where I need to learn a lesson. I must rely on God to see me through my A's. I write this here, right now.

By myself, there is no way I can get my A's right. There's so much to study for History, I've never gotten anything above a D for my major exams. I haven't touched econs for more than a month. I've never scored above a D for my major exams. My C maths is in tatters and I don't know how to do a great amount of pure maths. Promos and mids I got straight Fs.

Lord, I cry out to you. I ask that you bring me through. If I get through all this, it's really by your grace. I acknowledge that right now.

And now that that has been said, I simply rest in His presence and rely on Him. I'll study, sure. But it'll be God seeing me through. I say now that if I'm to get any good results, it's because the Lord has helped me, not by my own effort.

Ta. "

So, A B B B3, thank you Lord Jesus, thank you Lord Jesus. So so much.

The python which bit me



Eh, remember the time I blogged bout the python at Pasir Ris Farmway 2 which bit me twice and later escaped? Here it is.

Right. A quick revision. Always grab the python behind the head first so it can't turn around and bite you. And make sure someone else gets the tail, at least, so that it can't coil around you. And when you put it back into the bag, let the tail in first, head last, if not it'll bite you of course.

Lord I love my life.

Saturday, March 24, 2007

Ramblings...etc.

Thought of the day: It's hardly beneficial but immensely satisfying (for the moment) to burn bridges.

Am quite sick. Lots of green mucus coming out. Lots of phlegm. A real bad cough which must often be remedied with hot tea. Have taken so much Vitamin C that all my faeces come out quite watery now. (Hey, that's the way it is! You might wince a bit, but that's life innit)

Stopped relief teaching at Montfort yesterday. Mr. Ong and Mr. Navin Singam are taking over the classes I leave. 1AA, 1AB, 2A1, 2A2. So they're in very good hands, even better than mine. That's part of the reason I stopped. The other is that from Monday onwards I was kinda sick, so the last week has been quite painful on the voice and all.

But really learnt a lot from these classes. For one, that if my men obey me, it's only because they want to. If 40 of these youths choose to rebel, I can hardly control them. They learn only because they want to learn.

Had some real hard times in Montfort relief teaching.

Guys from my classes. It's been a well, painful experience teaching you (eh, you know I'm a frank person). But it's also been very beneficial to me. Learnt a lot from you guys. More than you would have taught. Please study hard.

Just for your info, I came to Montfort to teach for 2 reasons. 1)It's my ol' school. 2) The money.

By the second week or so I'd decided to stop doing it for the money, because it just wasn't worth the money taking you. Lots of hell from you guys. But it was good training. So I did what I could. Hopefully I was of some help to you guys while your teacher was away.

Why I discipline some of you so hard is that I think it will help you to concentrate better in class. I really think that. And yes, I know sometimes the punishment I dispense is real horrible.

If I were to do the whole thing all over again, I'd have started stricter on 2A2. But I didn't know I'd be taking you for so long at that time, so I started too friendly and easy-going. And mid-way I know I kinda lost control over your class. Taking your class was the toughest assignment. In fact some teachers tell me that if I can handle your class I can handle any other class. But I learnt a lot from the experience. You fellas are real bright, strike me as way brighter than the express classes in the maturity of your thought. Study hard!

1AB. You're the class I disciplined the most. Parade square and all. You guys still talk a lot I know. Thank you for respecting me in the end and giving me a real good farewell. Remember the 2 most important things. Discipline and to listen.

And I thank my Lord that I am still quite alive and kicking after 48 days of battle.

And my cough's real bad now, so will stop. Got Childrens' Ministry Praise and Worship and teaching to do at church tomorrow. Cough cough. I pray it gets well by NS.

Sunday, March 18, 2007

Hmmm.

I was about to post a possibly stumbling post, but I've whittled it down to this for the public eye.

"Which part of the word says must go to service?

If going to church doesn't make a person a Christian... Therefore maybe no need to go to church. Quote me Hebrews 10:25 don't you? Let us not give up the habit of meeting together. Hmmm. Then why not at a eating place?

The point. I think that if you look closely enough, church is full of cliched statements, that we really have to examine if we want to become stronger. Faith is good. But faith founded upon groundless statements is foolishness."

For the full statement, kindly come and start an argument with me.

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

VBS

Vacational Bible School was on Monday and Tuesday. Learnt quite a bit about children from it. My kids are soooo sweet! Really love them. Then again they gave me a Primary 2 class, so it's very easy.

Very fun playing with them. I remember them by name lor. Can quote them here. Vanessa, Inez, Regina, Esther, Aaron, Dominic, Adriel, Wei Zhi, Joshua, James, Ezra, En Yang, Joel. Let them climb all over me. Mobile playground, if you will. Carry them to touch the ceiling. Then sometimes after lunch we form a rocket ( line up in single file) to lift-off (5-4-3-2-1 LIFT-OFFFFF!!!!!!) to Cana hall. Haha.

We even made a game out of picking up all the crepe paper in all the classrooms outside Music Room. I told them to imagine they were on a planet. And on this planet we collect trash. And then we started to pick up all the trash. And after we finished our cubicle, they went to all the other cubicles, till we had a mountain. And then since James needed it rolled up, I informed them that we had to roll up the crepe paper if we wanted it to become more powerful. (And on this planet, we MUST give the POWERFUL crepe paper to a certain man called kor kor James and say, "kor kor James, this is for you!")

Vanessa is very very cute. Pretty little dimpled face always contorted in mock exasperation. And Joshua is Korean. Very good English. Always hugging me. Very loveable. Ezra likes to hold on to my leg while I walk around. En Yang and Joel like to sit next to me. Inez is very guai* and quiet. Very obedient. Sweet girl. Regina also very obedient, clears the plates and all. Esther and James like to play fighting. Well, almost all the other guys do too. And I don't stop them. It's fun! I used to do the same. (And I still do. Hor Jeremy/Caleb/Tiew/Amos/James?)

Sunday, March 11, 2007

Today

Today was another regular Sunday. God ministering to me strongly again. CM was good. I still have so much to learn. I really don't know that much about kids. And I guess the kids I mixed around with were quite a bit rowdy then regular CM kids (at least that's the way I see it right this minute).

And CM's Praise and Worship was good.

Went to the beach for the picnic thing. Didn't really do much. Constructed a tent. Huge, but not exactly good quality I think. And whoever packed that tent did a friggin lousy job. If it was ODAC we'd have been whacked up down left right centre. So wet. So the waterproofed seams were all hydrolysed and there was mildew growing all over. So the whole tent is in quite bad a state.

And then went to the nearby hawker centre for lunch, cuz couldn't wait for lunch. More specifically Caleb Lim couldn't. And yeah. David Li and Caleb and Jesh and I.

Then couldn't get a van back to church. So went by foot. Quite a good walk. 1 hour I think. Jeshua and I talked quite a bit. Interesting thing about guys is that there is this unspoken bond. That it's rather natural to be alongside each other and not say much, or anything at all. Ladies? I'm not too sure bout that man. Have been in a guy's school for 10 years, mixed around with mostly guys in J.C., and a special breed of ladies- the rugged ODAC girls. And now I relief teach in a down-to-earth, tough guys' school. And I'm going into NS some more. Man... I know nowt bout ladies. Close to nowt at least.

Generally I still feel uncomfortable around girls... which will not exactly be a problem for the next 2 years... wait. Interestingly I feel quite alright with girls older than me or my age.... hmmm. Yeah.

Tomorrow's VBS gonna camp overnight. Heh heh heh. I expect a lot of fun with the guys. Awwooooo!

Friday, March 09, 2007

.

This is dedicated to all my enlistee and pre-enlistee brothers in Christ.

As The Red Blood Runs

So now look here
Closely peer
The thoughts of a young man
His thoughts, his plans

My blood is red
It flows, fast rate
Muscles are forming and strong
Mind too, hope not wrong

And so as the red blood runs
Days they're full of fun
God watches so keep strong my son

There's the greens
(Not the edibles
But smudged mind you, on the face
Brown and black too I see)
I'll fight aside my fellow man
We'll blow things perhaps, to smithereens

And so as the red blood runs
Days they're full of fun
God watches so keep strong my son

Sometimes I wonder...
What's a yonder
In my heart I ponder
Which of His daughters?

And so as the red blood runs
Days they're full of fun
God watches so keep strong my son

I am I know a very special child
One birthed of Spirit now
Fear not what's ahead
A path Daddy will make

And so as the red blood runs
Days they're full of fun
God watches so keep strong my son


***********************************************

To Caleb Lim. Seriously don't want to waste it lah. The last time I did one was in Primary 3 or 4.

I did this today in about half an hour. Inspired. I guess something clicked after say, 8 years? So pardon me if it's a tad unpolished.

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Story

I just heard this one recently from one of my colleagues.

A true story.

In NS the men were falling in.

And there was this guy who for some reason wanted to commit suicide. So he was on the 5th floor already, and seemed about to jump.

And the garang* officer went:"Don't waste my bloody time. I give you 5 seconds. You want to jump, jump. If not jolly well come down here, fall in."

And the fella promptly made his way down the stairs to fall in.

Well they caught him in case he would try anything funny.

Hmmm. Just thinking. It's a kind of bet, really. If the guy really jumped, the officer would probably be court-martialled. But it's reverse psychology. My reasoning is that the guy wanted attention, so if the officer says something like that, even if you want attention, it'll take the purpose and meaning out of committing suicide.

So then, if I was the officer, would I take such a bet? That would probably (I think) get the guy to come down. Save his life. I reckon calm reasoning might not work, if the guy already wants to end his life. Then again, would I risk the court-martial?

Life is in shades of grey (some say with great big splotches of black). By doing the same thing you can either save a life or be blamed for the rest of yours.

A good read

Been some time since I had a really good read. Today I helped out in my school's oral prelims. And I finished a short book. Bout 170 pages only.

Bad Alice: In the Shadow of the Red Queen. By Jean Ure.

It's one of the friggin best prose I've ever read. The plot is so cunningly devised. It examines something dark. Encourage any mature Christian brother or sister to read it.

Going to be doing my uni applications soon.

Sunday, March 04, 2007

A B B B3

Lots of peace as I waited for my A's. Was sitting with Jing Jie and was just laughing and joking throughout the whole thing. Prayed for the right attitude and God's will be done. I think it was answered.

Quite good actually. More than what I asked for.

Hist. C math Econs
Promos E O O
Mid years E F D
Prelims B O D
A's A B B

GP was a B3. That's enough to meet most minimum course requirements I think.

See now why I praise God?

I never got above a D for major exams. While some got straight As, I did not even get straight Cs. Only in History, once- a B.

And heh heh, look at the C maths. Thank you Lord. Thank you so so much.

*******************************************
In other news I heard from God this morning in CM service. God told me He loves me.
Had a good time with God in the afternoon while it was still raining. There was this Arise thing going on. Not exactly sure what it was. Some childrens' thing. At Fellowship Hall. As I walked past I could sense the strong presence of God. And so I just went in. Ended up kneeling down and letting God's presence flow.
The really awesome thing about ministry is that when the Spirit moves, anyone can receive. Even when I go to Hokkien service, I don't always understand everything. (Right, most of the time I figure out about 30% to 50% of what is happening. Sometimes close to 0%.) But when God's presence is there, anybody who knows God (and perhaps those who have yet to know Him) can be ministered unto.
*******************************************
Was just telling God this morn. What I bring to Him is really meagre. In all areas. In CM, in the youth, in the NS (I know it will be). But it's all I have. And I just surrendered everything to Him. I prayed that He'll prosper the work of my hands, not because I am that great a worker, but I am obedient a servant. And so that His name, not mine might be glorified. That I become less so He become more.
God can be experienced everyday. His joy and His peace are not exclusive to certain Christians. His love and favour is not exclusive to camps. Seek Him.

Thursday, March 01, 2007

:)

Flashback.

2005. Got my O's. I was expecting something real good. A single digit perhaps. I could not believe my ears when the best students were announced and I was not one of them. In fact I clung on to that hope so tightly that even after they were announced I thought they must be saving the best for the last.

So I got an 11 for O's. Not too shabby I know. But I was expecting better.

And so the 2 years in AJ passed. 2 years. God did so much. Changed so much of me. For a start, I began to really trust God for studies. In O's I was proud enough to pray that I got the results I deserved. For I did believe I deserved extremely good results. In A's I asked for God's mercy and grace.

I was not in ex com for ODAC. Not a nice feeling. Always led since junior school. Led in NPCC in Sec. school. For a guy who put down CI-ship to do his best in JC it was quite a time of re-thinking. But I think I grew a lot in JC because I was not a leader. Could see a lot more stuff from the ground. And I think that if things had followed a set route in JC, (Y'know, leadership and being a top student) I would not have grown half as much and sought my Lord half as much.

So now I testify to the fact that results don't actually matter as much as people say they do. Not if you surrender everything to my Lord Jesus. Cuz if you really look at it in perspective, it's just another step that if submitted to the Lord, will eventually lead to God's will being done.

Tomorrow A's will be out. And this I say. It will not change me because I am forever God's child. It will not determine my path in life. My Father in heaven does. If I do well, all glory to God. If I do not do well, all glory to God.

I asked for at least A, B, C, B3 for A's. But I asked on top of that that His will be done.

And on the eve of just-another-day. The day everyone calls the "big-day". I ask and pray Lord. The right attitude. Your will be done.