Might have been working too hard to earn righteousness.
Was listening to this sermon by Sarah Allis Young, from the church Pam brought me to 3 Fridays back. (The lady's a Chinese American. God really changed her life. She used to be in homosexuality... etc. God brought her out of it and now she's a leader. Recently been told by God that'd there'd be a revival in UC Berkely, her alma mater).
I might have been missing the point. This year I set my heart down to honouring the Lord. And it was good. Really grew closer to God. But then again, I might have been so hard on myself that I've forgotten the most important part. That I don't have to earn righteousness or purity or peace or God's love. It's given. No amount of fasting or praying or studying the word will give it to me.
In fact, if I do those things and depend on that stuff, I may even be drawing away from the Lord. I need to spend my days with God not because I want His annointing or touch or power. But simply this. Because I love Him.
And I'm a son of the Most High. Romans 8:15. For ye have not received a spirit of bondage again to fear, but ye have received a spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, "Abba Father".
Need to stop living in any kind of fear and operate totally on grace.
Just to share, 2 things that I've prayed so often that it's become and understanding between the Lord and I.
1)Lord, I don't need others to think I'm super holy. Because I know how much I've sinned and how much I'm forgiven. If anything, let them see your grace in a forgiven man. I don't need people to have a perception of me being super holy.
2)Lord, I don't need to pretend to be holy before you. You know just how holy I am. You know where I've gone wrong lately. And I rely on you for that holiness.