Yesterday night I was real frustrated bout coming prelims and A's. Everything's crashing in. And I still ain't prepared. C maths lecture yesterday. I didn't really understand all the integration they were going through.
Lecturer: "This is simple hor. If you don't understand what I'm talking about, then you're in trouble"
I don't understand what she's talking about. I'm in trouble.
Lecturer: "Don't understand? Go home and understand."
I'm amused. But my C maths teacher isn't going to be amused if she finds out how little PaperI stuff I understand. She won't find out though. Well, at least not until prelims, if I haven't got it figured out by then.
After dinner last night, went out with a 1 hour walk. As I told Jing Jie today, it was simply me walking with the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. Just kept walking. Didn't need to talk. I was telling God:"Lord... aiyah, let's just walk lah." And so we walked. Walked for 20 mins.
Sat down outside and talked with God for like 20 mins. Surrendered my A's and everything else to the Lord. Asked God to give me the grades good enough to get into where He wants me to. And that's enough.
Then went home.
Today morn had cell. Was strange. Really dry. 4 of us J2 guys only. KC, Jie Hau, OneBigDonkey and me.
Afternoon's meeting was slightly better. Besides the fish pond next to office. Was quite nice to have Nellyn over. Aga and Chinyi came too. Open-eyed prayer. Had a long conversation with the guys after the J1s left.
Just now as I was praying, I read bout King Asa in the bible. 2 Chronicles 14-16, I believe. And I was just thanking God for all the grace given to me throughout the whole of this year. The turning point was last year's children and youth camps, really. Changed my life. Started out this year to work hard on my studies, to really honour the Lord. (Bearing in mind that I can't earn the grace God gives. It's GIVEN.) The start of this year was frustrating. School min and ODAC and studies. But the Lord brought me through all of that. School min and studies were particularly successful. ODAC was mentally and emotionally tough for me. But I still got through it.
And then came to a point mid-year where before and after Rinjani I didn't really get much studying done. My ankles still recovering after Rinjani too. And then came my awful Mids results. D E F C6. And then school min started to slow down. Had to spend much time on prayer and fasting on that. Then came a phase where I stayed up late (till 2a.m.) or woke up early (2a.m. to 5a.m.) to study for God, using the World-Cup skills I've acquired. Some mornings I relied on Red Bull, which wasn't really good.
And then the point where I obeyed God, went to the seminar with Pam and then kena fever. And then this week, where I almost got sore throat again, if not for a total of 6 Garlic pills, 3 Vitamin B, 4 Vitamin C which I gulped down within 2 days.
Thing is, just as Asa was given success in his early days against the Cushites, I was given success early this year. And now my King Baasha of Israel is here to attack me. My A's. I resolve not to take out the gold and silver articles from the temple (my time with my Lord Jesus, school ministry time, YPM time, encouraging my dear bros and sis, praying and interceeding time, fasting time) and find my own way to tackle A's. Asa allied himself with King Ben-Haded of Aram, and for that God was angry. Asa got what he wanted, but in the process, He did not honour God.
And that is precisely where I need to learn a lesson. I must rely on God to see me through my A's. I write this here, right now.
By myself, there is no way I can get my A's right. There's so much to study for History, I've never gotten anything above a D for my major exams. I haven't touched econs for more than a month. I've never scored above a D for my major exams. My C maths is in tatters and I don't know how to do a great amount of pure maths. Promos and mids I got straight Fs.
Lord, I cry out to you. I ask that you bring me through. If I get through all this, it's really by your grace. I acknowledge that right now.
And now that that has been said, I simply rest in His presence and rely on Him. I'll study, sure. But it'll be God seeing me through. I say now that if I'm to get any good results, it's because the Lord has helped me, not by my own effort.