Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Attacks

Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour. Stand firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers around the world are undergoing the same kind of suffering.
1Peter 5:8-9

It is easy to stop fighting isn't it? Easy to give up reading the word for "just one day". Easy to stop praying, easy to stop maintaining spiritual discipline.

2 things on my mind. First, when I go to NS, it'll be so much tougher to maintain a close walk with the Lord... which I must. And I know that chances are I will be attacked heavily by the enemy... for I am already being attacked heavily now- from many sides. O Lord, keep me close to you. Doesn't really matter too much whether I get this posting or that posting in NS. Whether I make it to officer like my kor. What matters is that I come out of it so much closer to you O Lord. Spiritual fighting will intensify I know.

Second, I look around me and I feel so sad, when I see bros and sis slowly drifting away from the Lord. God is not just God-of-the-camp. God is God-of-everything. I feel so sad to see people giving so little attention to God when it really should be all of our attention.

But yet, who am I to judge? I too fight with this stuff.

One interesting thing the Lord has done for me is to allow the peace to go away when I don't pray enough. Right now I spend at least 40 min a day on prayer. Sometimes more. If I skip it for some reason, God will call me back to pray somehow later in the day... the peace of the Lord just won't be there. If I rush through the things I am supposed to pray for, the Spirit of the Lord will just push me to pray all over again.

Sometimes God impresses it on my heart to pray for certain people I don't normally pray for. Once He impressed it on my heart to pray for Singapore as a nation... once for certain people in church. One thing God taught me (I say God taught me, cuz no one else did, but it just came to me when I was meditating and speaking to the Lord)- don't judge people. When you have a bro or sis in Christ and you start to judge in your heart whether this action or that is right, you're way off. Instead, get on your knees and start praying that God will work in that person. Sometimes, the Lord will even give you specific needs to pray for. The presence of the Living God is humbling. I stand... I kneel... and sometimes I have to fall flat in awe.

Don't get Tai Yong wrong. Tai Yong is far from holy. Tai Yong is only a man, reminded time and time again- very painfully- of his mortality. If Tai Yong leaves the presence of the Holy One, Tai Yong will very surely wither away.

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Last Sunday, as I was walking to church for Jon Teo's farewell preparation, I passed this bench with this old, bespectacled Chinese (I think) man, with very tanned skin. He was just there, sitting down, writing something in his diary (I presume). I thought of sharing Christ with him. Not the prompting of the Spirit... Just thought it'd be good. But then I just kept walking past him.

But as I walked away, it just didn't feel right with my soul. I still haven't really learnt how to discern God's voice clearly. So after weighing the consequences (Something like this: I don't share, maybe will displease the Lord. I share, God pleased no matter what. He reject me/ scold me/ slap me- (and he didn't seem to capable of that), so be it. My skin's thick anyway, nothing to lose), I just approached him and asked to share Christ.

And he rejected me even before I could start. Oh well, pointed out where our church was, told him "Jesus loves you" and just went on my way. Point is, I know that I couldn't have displeased my Heavenly Father by sharing, but I could have if I hadn't and it'd been His will.

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ODAC today. Oh my, marvellous exercise. Climbed up and down 28 storeys 4 times with 15 kg. I didn't know I could do that. Wow. (Eh, btw I'm not trying to boast here hor, just sharing my day- keeping in mine that those who read this blog are people I trust).

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Pray for me? My mid-year common tests in end June. Very little time left to study because of ODAC. I haven't had much discipline/determination/time to sit down and study.

Lord ah, I really want to get my studies right this year. Sorry for all the times where I haven't put in all I could. Just that sometimes I get really tired in lectures and tutorials, and I start to crap around with my buddies. O Lord, give me all I need to get my studies right for you- that's the reason why I even started studying hard this year.

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