Wednesday, May 31, 2006

One son going to jump out of an Airplane, another climbing a Volcano

Nicely and cutely put by my dear mother.

Bro's going airborne and I'm climbing Rinjani, which has a volcanic crater rim at the side.

Feeling just a little unwell today. Pray I'll get well for the expedition. Trained so hard already. Paid for it already. Throat infection thing again I think.

Walk ain't too good. Dry and weary. Parched and longing for God.

Monday, May 29, 2006

Long Day

Rinjani will be on Sat. Going to Airport at 0545 hours. 3726m. Used Google Earth to zoom into the crater lake yesterday. Cool. The weight won't be the problem- the elements will. Wanted to do some packing tonight, but kor's already sleeping in the room. Having airborne selection tomorrow, so I think he needs the room more urgently than I do.

Bought a long sleeve Reebok dri-fit for S$16.90, praise God. Original price was S$34+. The stall had only those 5 shirts left and I guess nobody wanted to buy them cuz they were a bit big. Only one size L left- and it's a little big for me somemore-but the price is well worth it. The shirt's gonna help a lot in keeping me well throughout the Rinjani trek.

This morn was GP lesson in school.

Afternoon was yet another training hike at Bukit Timah hill. Up and down Renggu (if I got it right) path and Summit path 3 times. 7+ kg only.

Came home. Dinner.

Nope, not too much time these days. But Lord, help me to find good time for study I pray!

Feeling sleepy.

Tomorrow's NS medical examination. Wonder how NS life is going to be like. I see it, hear about it. But soon I'll be going through it (after A's). And then after 2 years of it I'll be about to enter uni. Wonder how I'll be like then. Will I be a stronger person? A wiser person? Closer to God? Or worse of in every aspect? 2 years can potentially change a person. I pray that I'll only be cast into the Lord's mould for me.

Hmph, I haven't exactly figured out my character completely. I can be so extroverted sometimes, talking to many people, playing a fool, not afraid to lose face. And sometimes I can be so... well, quiet. Sometimes I feel lonely- like now. Wish I had many of my good friends around me.

And let me just rein myself in before I continue. I'm down the slippery slope of melancholy mixed with sleepiness...

Night! and Jesus loves you!

P.S. Just tired, yeah. Brainless ramblings here. Paiseh. But typed already, so I'll just publish post.

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Attacks

Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour. Stand firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers around the world are undergoing the same kind of suffering.
1Peter 5:8-9

It is easy to stop fighting isn't it? Easy to give up reading the word for "just one day". Easy to stop praying, easy to stop maintaining spiritual discipline.

2 things on my mind. First, when I go to NS, it'll be so much tougher to maintain a close walk with the Lord... which I must. And I know that chances are I will be attacked heavily by the enemy... for I am already being attacked heavily now- from many sides. O Lord, keep me close to you. Doesn't really matter too much whether I get this posting or that posting in NS. Whether I make it to officer like my kor. What matters is that I come out of it so much closer to you O Lord. Spiritual fighting will intensify I know.

Second, I look around me and I feel so sad, when I see bros and sis slowly drifting away from the Lord. God is not just God-of-the-camp. God is God-of-everything. I feel so sad to see people giving so little attention to God when it really should be all of our attention.

But yet, who am I to judge? I too fight with this stuff.

One interesting thing the Lord has done for me is to allow the peace to go away when I don't pray enough. Right now I spend at least 40 min a day on prayer. Sometimes more. If I skip it for some reason, God will call me back to pray somehow later in the day... the peace of the Lord just won't be there. If I rush through the things I am supposed to pray for, the Spirit of the Lord will just push me to pray all over again.

Sometimes God impresses it on my heart to pray for certain people I don't normally pray for. Once He impressed it on my heart to pray for Singapore as a nation... once for certain people in church. One thing God taught me (I say God taught me, cuz no one else did, but it just came to me when I was meditating and speaking to the Lord)- don't judge people. When you have a bro or sis in Christ and you start to judge in your heart whether this action or that is right, you're way off. Instead, get on your knees and start praying that God will work in that person. Sometimes, the Lord will even give you specific needs to pray for. The presence of the Living God is humbling. I stand... I kneel... and sometimes I have to fall flat in awe.

Don't get Tai Yong wrong. Tai Yong is far from holy. Tai Yong is only a man, reminded time and time again- very painfully- of his mortality. If Tai Yong leaves the presence of the Holy One, Tai Yong will very surely wither away.

.
.
.

Last Sunday, as I was walking to church for Jon Teo's farewell preparation, I passed this bench with this old, bespectacled Chinese (I think) man, with very tanned skin. He was just there, sitting down, writing something in his diary (I presume). I thought of sharing Christ with him. Not the prompting of the Spirit... Just thought it'd be good. But then I just kept walking past him.

But as I walked away, it just didn't feel right with my soul. I still haven't really learnt how to discern God's voice clearly. So after weighing the consequences (Something like this: I don't share, maybe will displease the Lord. I share, God pleased no matter what. He reject me/ scold me/ slap me- (and he didn't seem to capable of that), so be it. My skin's thick anyway, nothing to lose), I just approached him and asked to share Christ.

And he rejected me even before I could start. Oh well, pointed out where our church was, told him "Jesus loves you" and just went on my way. Point is, I know that I couldn't have displeased my Heavenly Father by sharing, but I could have if I hadn't and it'd been His will.

.
.
.

ODAC today. Oh my, marvellous exercise. Climbed up and down 28 storeys 4 times with 15 kg. I didn't know I could do that. Wow. (Eh, btw I'm not trying to boast here hor, just sharing my day- keeping in mine that those who read this blog are people I trust).

.
.
.
Pray for me? My mid-year common tests in end June. Very little time left to study because of ODAC. I haven't had much discipline/determination/time to sit down and study.

Lord ah, I really want to get my studies right this year. Sorry for all the times where I haven't put in all I could. Just that sometimes I get really tired in lectures and tutorials, and I start to crap around with my buddies. O Lord, give me all I need to get my studies right for you- that's the reason why I even started studying hard this year.

Sunday, May 21, 2006

Lessons from the Lord. Everyday.

Past 2 days or so have been like cramming a whole months experiences into a box.

Yes, I have learnt so much from the Lord... discipline if you want to put it that way.

And before I continue, here's something important.

I don't know exactly how many people in my life I have hurt through the my words and actions. I know that the fact is I can be rather dismissive or worked up when I get into debate. I know that I can seem very very aggressive at times.

The reason? (not excuse). Well, I do like to debate a lot in class or in discipleship and my friends are pretty much used to my style. So they just tease me when I get on their nerves. Or they come up with a stronger argument and so often I have had to admit my argument doesn't hold water. Give and take. I'm ok with them teasing me or suan*ing me. I guess that more than once the problem is that I carry this style to talking with those I ain't too familiar with. I have much to learn in wisdom and discernment. And many times I don't know when to stop pressing home an attack on an argument. Sometimes, it's interpreted as an attack on the person. (And I DON'T MEAN IT THAT WAY, LORD!) But then it still is, and it is something that I have to work on.

I know that the Lord is teaching me that. Past few days I feel that I have been going through a few spiritual attacks. Say I'm over-spiritualizing things if you must, but I just believe that the Devil is attacking me in a variety of areas. Lust, pride, ego, anger. And the interesting thing is, the Lord is taking each one of those battles and using it to teach me something new.

I want to say to all those that I have offended in one way or another a big "sorry". Sorry to those I know I have hurt and those I don't know. I don't mean to hurt people but I know that I have. And there are probably a lot more who I do not know off. I am so often brash and unreserved and stubborn and strong-headed that I know I have hurt many. I will continue to work on it, and more importantly, the Lord will.

I am a sinner. Nothing more. Just a sinner called to grace. Ultimately when I make mistakes and hurt people- and so often I get hurt too, who is hurt most is my Lord and Saviour. Sorry, Father. Your servant's still working on a few things in life. Thank you Lord for your patience.

***********************************
Saturday- Morn went BT nature reserve for an ODAC hike. Still feel tired today from Fri's training. Was quite surprised that I could complete that training. 15 kg plus up and down 3 blocks. 25-25-28. Sat was a lot easier with 7 kg plus.
Evening went YPM. Received quite a bit of strength from the Lord for School Min when I went up during altar call. Uncle William came over and prayed an accurate prayer asking for spiritual boldness.
***********************************
Sunday- Went around central Singapore in Christopher's car to buy stuff for Jon Teo's surprise farewell party. Thank God for Chris. Good brother he is. 2 out of 4 locations were either closed or weren't selling what we wanted. Thank God the food reached the house before Jon Teo.
Surprised Jon Teo when he entered the house. The nice part was when Jon Teo sat on the sofa and then Ming En grabbed his leg from under the sofa. Haha. Must say Aaron and company did an excellent job at organising this.
************************************
Caleb Lim, long time haven't seen your face. Better show up sometime soon in YPM bro. Or else hor, heh heh heh. Terrible things will start to happen. muahaha.
Samson Hu, thanks for continually hearing me out and going through issues with me patiently. Will do all I can to live for God. Thank you for teaching me so many things through word and more often than that, through deed.
Chistopher, thanks for listening to me bro, and sharing many valuable opinions. Thanks for expounding the word to me. (oh yes, I know you don't read blogs, but anyway...)
Jia En, thanks for chatting with me. You're a great person to talk with! Will keep you in prayer. Eh, don't be too discouraged by Mid-years. Am sure God will give you the time-management you need. For all your dreams and aspirations I pray that the hand of the Lord will move, that your vision may be filled with the as-yet-unseen things of the Lord. That those dreams and aspirations God will keep parallel to His plans.
Jie Hau, keep going bro. In prayer you are kept. Keep pressing in to draw from the Lord. Know your probs bro, and I know that it's not easy. Also know that you have a good heart to serve God and I know the Lord will fill those who are hungry, as Isaiah 55 writes. Thank the Lord for all I've learnt from you in the past year and a half. God's presence is strong in your life. We all go through spiritual battles and I am honoured to be fighting in the same battle with you in this school. I pray that you will go on to fight greater battles and win greater victories for our Lord the King.

Jing Jie, thanks for always being so merry and for always crapping with me. Know that this year wasn't too pleasant, but I also know that God will bring something good out of this. Every Friday there's CG. wink* Your presence is greatly missed whenever you don't turn up, bro!

Mei Yan, I'm sure you'll get out of apts soon. Keep close to the Lord. Thanks for your uncomplaining heart when you come for CG. May the Lord call you to greater things in your servanthood to Him. May He fill you with so much more of His Spirit as you use what He has given you.

Wan Lin, see you so happy also don't know what to say. Thank the Lord for your joy in the ministry. Though Jon Pang and I were so sian* last Fri... haha.

Kwan Chin, heh, nice to have heard your sharing bout what God told you that night at AJ Idol. Thank the Lord for encouraging people like you. Do keep in contact. Till we meet on that glorious day where the light of our Lord Jesus surrounds, it'll be always a pleasure and honour to know I have a bro like you.

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Throat infection

Didn't go school today.

Need to get down to some serious study soon. =p

Must recover fast, so can start training for Rinjani again.

Saturday, May 06, 2006

^^

Today's elections. When things are good, people take the liberty to vote those who didn't make things good, irony it is. I attended a WP rally. And found it hilarious. How can an opposition that is "prepared to lose", does not intend to form the next government, offers no alternative policy, cannot manage foreign relations, has no idea whatsoever as to how to run a country possibly be voted in. And yet people vote them. Oh well, opposition should exist- for checks and balances. But then again, right now, the very thought of the opposition taking over is a cross between a comedy and a horror movie. I believe that the opposition should be judged on its merits. If the opposition were as good as the ruling party, they'd deserve to be voted in, no matter who saw the nation through the independence years. As it is, the merits are few.

As my mom keeps telling me to do, pray for the nation!

.

Looking at the slight drizzle outside my house. Hopefully there's a chance for me to go out and swim, still. So long since I last swam. I miss the feeling of gliding through the water, the strain of the muscles, the deep breathing of air into the lungs. Good stuff. Don't feel too much like studying lately, so just spending my energies training up for Rinjani.

Yesterday was ODAC training. Quite fun. Was carrying this 15.4 kg Denali II around Ang Mo Kio park and up and down HDB flats. Good solid exercise.

Christian Group was alright. I'd hoped for a stronger presence of God, though. I did the P&W with my guitar. One thing that I've learned through all this is that the annointing and effectiveness of a worship leader has no relationship whatsoever to his or her voice. As long as he or she has vocal chords, it doesn't really matter how they sound. I am convinced that how you sound to man does not equate to how you sound to God. And the latter is all that matters.

Peter, a friend of mine and a worship leader, once told me how powerful worship is. You can put a duck up on stage to worship lead and if the presence of God is there, people will still be touched.

YPM later.